SPECIFIC SEXUAL PROBLEMS: With the complexities of metabolic and neurochemical reactions that accompany grief, it is ot surprising that specific transitory sexual problems can result. Fatigue, failure to eat and exercise, and disruption of sleep and other life schedules can impair sexual reflexes. If both partners are aware that time will usually take care of the problem, sexual function will return to normal as the grieving response diminishes. If, on the other hand, the sexual problem is viewed as “just another crisis related to the loss,” it may become more established in the sexual interaction pattern, a permanent side effect of the misunderstood grief response.
LOSS OF SEXUAL SELF-ESTEEM: Grieving is a de-energizing process that must take place whenever a relationship ends. When life energy decreases and the bereaved partner feels weak, drawn, and listless, she or he may also feel that personal sexual attractiveness has been lost. During grieving, there may be a period during which self-care and attention to hygiene, dressing, posture, and general self-presentation are ignored or neglected. The bereaved partner may present this “grieving mask” to avoid intimacy, to hide from what he or she perceives as premature, even insensitive sexual overtures. When others seem unattractive to the grieving person at this time of loss, it is easy to neglect one’s own physical appearance.
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