Another element which must be carefully excluded in order to leave romantic love unimpaired is a vain, conceited attitude. If a man prides himself on his conquests or a woman delights in the spectacle of many men falling victim to her enticements, neither one of these is worthy of love. Too much pride and self-esteem separate rather than draw two people together. This characteristic, then, violates the essence of romantic love, which is to reduce social distance. An inferiority complex has the same effect by causing one of a pair to imagine that the other feels superior, when such is not the case. All rivalry or invidious comparisons between a man and his wife should be eschewed, for these can undermine the most promising romance.
Instead of these destructive attitudes, those emotions which intensify love should be fostered. Of these the most important is a tender, altruistic feeling. A regard for the happiness of the other not only enriches romance but helps a couple to overcome many of the difficulties of marital life. This feeling originates in the process of courtship, which, whether instinctively or as an unconscious development out of the effort to win affection, engenders something almost identical with parental feeling. This gives to the relationship between a man and a woman a quality without which mutuality, justice, considerateness and forbearance are impossible. The feeling of tenderness also insures against allowing the intensity of the sexual impulse to pass over into the realm of brutishness or cruelty.
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