The ability to cope with failure is necessary to emotional well-being. The nourishing person sees his “failures” as experiences that he considers part of a learning process.
For the N person, the experience of failure is focused on the act itself: “Yes, I made a mistake, and it won’t be my last!”
The N person avoids poisoning himself because he does not believe that his self-esteem is at stake every time he ventures forth in some new endeavor. The T person, on the other hand, perceives failure as a reflection of his worth as a person. For him, failure is a blow to his idealized self and his acceptability as a human being.
TM NEVER GOOD ENOUGH
Those who poison themselves with embarrassment over their failures tend to fantasize that if they can perform well enough they will finally achieve an adequate sense of self-esteem. Their quest is futile, though, since the standards they arbitrarily select are almost invariably unreasonable, overdemanding, or perfectionistic. Ironically, any outstanding achievement they do experience tends to be viewed as a fluke. Similarly, any real acceptance by another is met with the attitude “He doesn’t know what I’m really like, or he’d feel differently.” Or the approving person is held in contempt for his low standards.
*57\350\8*
