Each individual has a unique story about coming to terms, at last, with spinal cord injury. People talk about “coming to terms with,” “accepting,” “coping with,” or “adjusting to” disability. It doesn’t matter what words you use to describe “owning” your disability. What matters is that you did it, and now you can redirect your energy toward other areas of life: relationships, family, creativity, or work.
You took the first steps in this direction during your rehabilitation, but the issue of adjustment usually comes up again from time to time, especially when passing from one life stage to another. In going through these passages (marital commitment or commitment to a single life; parenthood; choice of vocation; midlife changes; adapting to old age) new issues will arise. To deal with them successfully, you need to see yourself as a person worthy of receiving the investment required to forge ahead.
The physical effort required by disability is required often, sometimes daily, as you live in a world constructed for people without disabilities. Physical needs have to be met before you can enjoy the fun things in life, such as having dinner with friends or attending a concert. As one recent article on adjustment stated, “You can’t go out and look at the stars without taking care of the wheelchair or without attendant care.”
People with a disability encounter many definitions that try to box them into a category: crippled, disabled, person with a disability, physically challenged.
Looking at yourself, you can assess the attributes or abilities you still have and acknowledge those you don’t. And, as part of the creative discovery process, you may find ways to do those things you thought you’d never do again.
Jerry, who was injured while mountain climbing, had a difficult time even thinking about no longer being a part of his pals’ touch football team after he became paraplegic. He ached to be out on the field with them. One day he decided to talk with his friends about playing with the team in whatever way he could. His friends were excited about the prospect of Jerry’s comeback and set about redesigning their game to include their old friend.
The qualities that defined you as a person without a disability still define you, as a person who happens to have a disability: your sense of humor, purposefulness, friendliness, shyness, thoughtfulness, naivete, joyfulness, garrulousness, or ability to articulate. Ownership of who you were before your spinal cord injury now extends to who you are as a person who happens to have a disability.
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